BARTON FINK TOWERS, SIVASHAKTI AMMA AND BANGALORE LORE

An interesting few days (so what else is new???)! I have moved on from Tiruvannamalai and am now in Bangalore. Its a strange sensation to be back where I started (Bangalore was where I flew too after escaping Mumbai) at this midway point on my post-school travels!

I elected to leave Tiruvannamalai early as you know. The main reason was the mouldy shitpittiness of the NS Lodge, or Barton Fink Towers as I like to call it. I guess I had to stay in a shitpit at some point during my stay in India, just to complete the experience. In this instance, it was a literal shitpit as well as a metaphorical one. Only a few inelegant metres down from my room's door was a discrete pile of I-don't-know-what kind of poo nestling happily on the floor. Not being an expert on such matters I couldn't tell you what its source was (it looked like it was probably an animal) but hey!, you don't need to know every detail of my trip, do you?

Battling with the salubrious delights of the bathroom was fun too. The toilet, which I gave such a glowing review of in the last post, turned out on closer inspection to look more like the one that eats the bogbrush in one of the key episodes of THE YOUNG ONES, although not quite as bad as the shit-stew filled one in TRAINSPOTTING. Attempting to flush it was entertaining. Pulling on the handle saw water spurting out of the plumbing behind it everywhere and unless one was very careful about how precisely one put it back, the flush just kept on flushing. Most excellent.

Plumbing problems didn't stop there. Only one tap in the whole bathroom worked - the one used for showering. I forgot to mention that one of the idiosyncratic things about India is that you don't bath or really shower but use something called a 'bucket bath'. This involves filling a large bucket with hot water (or cold if you're staying in Barton Fink Towers) and then, using a scoop, washing yourself with that. Actually its terrific and one wonders why we don't do it in the West. You have much more control over the water and it feels great. Except in Barton Fink Towers. Whoever had 'designed' the bathroom had forgotten that it opened onto the bedroom and so needed something to stop the water from flowing out. As a consequence once I had had my bucket bath I realised that the bedroom floor was swamped with water. Terrific. I wiped up what I could with a rotting bath mat and climbed into bed.

Both my nights at BF Towers were pretty hallucinatory. Not only was the fan incredibly loud but it made little or no impact on the temperature of the room which was baking. The night before's bucket bath was pointless as I woke up very early (no curtains on the windows, another intriguing design feature) both dehydrated and covered in sweat, the water in my bottle having apparently been boiled during the night. Why didn't I move? You may ask. After all I said I would. But I decided in the end that I wasn't staying long enough for the bother. And anyway, as I said, staying in an authentic Shitpitty hotel was all part of the Journey.

The rest of my time in Tiruvannamalai was, on the other hand, amazing. Looking back over the pictures of the Temple on my phone, I realised that I must have been open to it somehow because the power of the place remains intact in them. My last day at the Ashram and meeting these new people was amazing too.

First of all there was Sara's friend, Volker. To my surprise, Volker lived only minutes away from where I had stayed while on the Ashram. Volker is from Germany and lives in India with his wife and their two beautiful adopted children. The hospitality I met with them was huge. There was no reason for them to have me over but after about two hours he and I were still talking over a few cups of Masala Chai. We compared notes and it was fascinating hearing his story, how he had come out to India to study under a guru, how he had fulfilled the initial tests he had been given and now had been living there for almost ten years. He told me how the biggest shock to come wasn't in India but in going home. He told me how he had returned to Germany after his first visit and gone straight back to work. After the intensity and life-changing nature of his time out here the preoccupations and trivia of what he found himself going back to hit him so hard that he became ill. After what he had seen - the suffering as well as the joy - what he was expected to go back to seemed inconceivable. Now he lives in India permanently, only going back on occasion.

We discussed our encounter with India and its culture and agreed it was a place where the mythology was still alive, where the Gods still trod the earth and in the minds of men. We talked about Siva and agreed about how it was that energy in India which caused the 'crack-ups' Westerners experience out here before becoming used to it, 'crack-ups' which seem like hell to begin with but end up being transformations in themselves. I told him about my early struggles and he told me about his. When I told them it had taken me about a month and a half to come through, his eyes widened and he said 'That's very short!'. I was very suprised.

We discussed lots of things - how most of the Sadhus I had met who I thought were unimpressive or bonkers were Sivaite, and their slightly mad, vagabondish appearance and behaviour was all part of the anarchic path following Siva involved, in contrast to the precision and well-groomed demeanour of Priests of Vishnu. He also asked me about Auroville and when I described to him my slightly negative reaction, he told me that that was understandable, but largely to do with the fleeting nature of my visit. He told me that the people I would have met were only transient Aurovillians, there for a short while, and only involved superficially, hence my reaction. The real Aurovillians, he said, I wouldn't have seen. These, he said, were so busy about the real work going on there that I would not have encountered what they were or what they represented. So two lessons in judging by appearances!

Volker was a really lovely guy and extraordinarily interesting to know - intelligent, welcoming, informed. Another example of the humanity of the people one meets out here. We vowed to stay in touch and I think if I come back we are sure to see each other again.

He also explained to me how to get to a woman known as SivaShakti Amma, or SivaShakti Mother. Sara had told me I had to go to one of her 'Darshans' when she had recommnended Tiru to me. Volker drew me a little map and I set off to the restaurant which was at the end of the street she was on called Ushas. He made a face when I told him I was in Barton Fink Towers and said it was a shame as there were loads of guesthouses near the Ashram but in hindsight, perhaps things worked out for the best because leaving early focussed my mind and spurred me on to more interesting things!

Usha's was lovely and I kicked myself that I hadn't noticed it before. Spacious and relaxing, I rested there for a few hours after having some lunch. I needed it after my hallucinatory night at Barton Fink's. I sat there sipping on a Chai and reading Gandhi's autobiography (of which more when I have time). It was great.

At about four o'clock I set off for the SivaShakti Amma. I had never even heard of her before Tiru and as if by magic when I was in an internet cafe earlier that day trying to book a train ticket there she was smiling on the screensaver. I walked down the street Volker had shown me on the map which, if it had a name, should have been called Cowpoo Lane, largely because it reeked for cow shit which was pretty much everywhere steaming in the setting sun. And not just cow shit, but several lazy renegade cows who were happily walking away from their owners in whatever direction they fancied. At one point I saw a cart being pulled by a strolling cow without any sign of an owner nearby and thought 'That can't be right', but keeping my focus on the Amma I walked on (anyway how on earth was I going to be able to wrestle a cow to the ground and return it to an invisible owner who was probably lying somewhere having a snooze?).

I arrived at the building in which the Amma was to giver her darshan at about 4.30, in time to settle before she arrived. A darshan is literally a 'glimpse of God' and is thought of as the moment when a Guru or Teacher is able to give their followers an experience of the Spirit. According to the information Sara had given me, the Amma was a reincarnation of a Sivaic Priest and so worked directly from her Soul.

I stepped into the large, white room in which she was to appear and sat down. As with RM's Meditation Room, the mental energy in it was astonishing - the same quality of silence, concentration, stillness. There were only one or two other people there, all Western like me, deep in meditation. There was a great sense of what I can only call Holiness to the place. In front of the mats on which we all sat was a small wicker chair with a few sidetables next to it. On the four walls was a different picture of the Amma, who looked serene and rather beautiful. A woman at the door who was officiating asked me to move my bag, which I did, and I began to meditate myself.

Sara's instructions said that it was wise to keep one's eyes closed during the Darshan. In the silence of the preceding period, I found myself becoming very calm. There was absolutely no noise. I wondered what time it was and what the procedure was when the Amma came in. At one point I opened my eyes to see what time it was - and there she was. Somehow she had entered the room completely silently and was sitting on the wicker chair. I had no idea she had come in. The effect was almost miraculous.

She was a tiny woman, probably in her late thirties, early forties, dressed in an orange robe. She was utterly beautiful and had a serene, benign smile on her face. She gave off an extraordinary energy as she looked quietly at everyone. It was almost as if one was not quite looking at a human. There was something astonishing about her. I am deeply grateful that I did get to see her, even if only briefly (I closed my eyes almost immediately), as the memory is still very much with me.

I continued to meditate and a wonderfully enriching feeling filled the room, covering me. I can only describe it as a feeling of great warmth and kindness. I could hear some shuffling about but didn't want to open my eyes to break the sensation. After a period of about ten to fifteen minutes, when the Darshan was over, I opened my eyes and she was gone, just as silently as she had come, as had some of the other people who had been present.

I continued to stay where I was, allowing this wonderful feeling to flow over me. It was very beautiful. Eventually I got up and left, walking into the red glow of the setting sun, carrying this feeling of a very healing, feminine, motherly energy with me. It was a strong, but wonderful contrast to the equally benign feeling of Ramana Maharshi, whose Ashram I was walking to next. I won't forget the Siva Shakti Amma and, put together with the Pondicherry Energy Healer and the vibe of the Aurobindo and RM Ashrams, feel blessed to have experienced such magical things. Delusion? Should I be beheaded by Richard Dawkins? To be frank, I don't give a fuck. The experiences I was having were so healing, so full of possibility and magic that I no longer can even be bothered to care.

My final few hours at the RM Ashram were equally special. More time in the Meditation Room gave me yet more of a powerful feeling of the man's presence, and I had a glimpse of what his silent teachings must have been like. My final meal there saw me feeling utterly bonded with everyone else on this journey with me. I will also never forget it.

Then, a surprise. The day before a guy named Ashok had suddenly emailed me on Facebook to say he was in Tiruvannamalai and also admired Ramana Maharshi. Did I want to meet up? A little wary, remembering Napoleon, I said sure but I was quite busy. As I stood up to leave the Internet Cafe someone appeared in the doorway and said 'Jake?' I looked at him and said, startled, 'Ashok?' and he said 'Yes!' He looked like a decent guy, about late 20s. We shook hands and went for a drink and a chat. We got on really well. He was a genuine guy, interested in Ramana Maharshi, Sai Baba and all the rest, interested in asking the big questions. We chatted, he showed me around Tiru (which looked magical once night had fallen) and we parted, agreeing to stay in touch. Once again, India had yielded up another surprise and another friend.

Back to Barton Fink's for my second hallucinatory night and then the next day an early bus to Bangalore. As I say, I don't regret leaving early as Tiruvannamalai gave me everything I could have wanted and more to move on with and what is waiting for me here in Bangalore is probably just as important.

I have been here for about 24 hours now and I LOVE IT - in spite of an initial reaction of shock shock shock at the affluence and Western-style shops and billboards everywhere. The last thing I was expecting to see after the spirituality of Tiruvannamalai were enormous shopping malls, Marks and Spencers, Tescos (!!!) and - gasp! - YES! - the first MACDONALDS I had seen in the whole of India! That was pretty grotesque, as was the chaotic journey I had to take from the bus station out to where my hotel is in Whitefield near where Sai Baba's secondary Ashram is... I even saw another branch of the legendary BRA AND PANTY lingerie store. Clearly they are surviving the lack of demand in knickerless Tamil Nadu and thriving in the capital of Karnataka.

But I see its late and this has been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post with more wierdy Mumbo Jumbo events... So Bangalore and reconnecting with some of the people from the school can wait until tomorrow... Until then, sweet dreams and lots of love and may you never see a branch of Barton Fink Towers open near you ever!